Archive for July, 2009
What’s your normal?
I’ve made a new friend in the past few weeks and she was talking to me about her relationship with her boyfriend. Now, I really don’t think from the brief conversations I’ve had with her that he is a good guy and is a good guy for her. His parents have what some call an “open” relationship and are considered to be “swingers”. I’m not saying that swinging is wrong, but my friend isn’t into that stuff so it’s wrong for her.
Her bf has grown up in this environment (or I’m assuming he knows about it, since she does) so that’s his normal. She hasn’t been exposed to it and it makes her uncomfortable, so it’s not her normal. So I started thinking about what is normal to us and how does it affect our relationships.
I suppose it also is why abused kids often become the abusers and why the cycle is so hard to break. It becomes the “norm” for the people that are caught in that hell-storm. I grew up in a family that got divorced and my mom was strong and supported herself and her kids. It wasn’t a surprise to me that I got divorced and have followed in my moms footsteps.
What about our dating lives though? I’m dating a guy who is the strong, protector type, a lot like my dad. It doesn’t mean I want to date my dad, but he has a lot of the same qualities.
When my friend was talking about her bf’s parents relationship, I thought, Hell no! I wouldn’t be getting into that, not because I’m judging them, but because it would make me really uncomfortable. I don’t want that type of relationship for me. Now, my thoughts to my friend are, since this is your bf’s norm, is it expected to be yours too? Is he going to want the same openness that his parents have and can you handle it? There are lots of “norms” out there, just as there are lots of people who consider them their normals. Do you have to have your norms match up in order to have a successful relationship? I think you do.
Add comment July 29, 2009
Who doesn’t have a toy box??
We always hear the expression, “boys and their toys”! What about the toys girls use, sometimes with a boy, and sometimes without! I was at a sex toy party last night (a new endeavor of mine) and some of the women were asking whether or not guys are intimidated by toys, if they like having them to add another dimension to the relationship, or what do men think about them? I have never had a problem with a guy having issues with my toy box, in fact, many of my toys were bought by men. Sometimes I think it takes the pressure off of the guy so he doesn’t have to feel responsible for the girls orgasm. Sometimes, it’s fun to try a new way of getting to the same place! Now, are there men who are scared of them? I’m sure there are, I just haven’t run into any of them!
One of the girls last night was talking about getting so used to toys, that it’s difficult for her to orgasm without them. She has a dependency on them! I know what she’s talking about! It’s like you can get from zero to sixty in 3.5 with a toy, and with a man (especially if he’s not doing it right, taking direction well, or the girl isn’t giving direction) sometimes you never get to the finish line.
Even when I’m in a relationship, toys still play a part in my sex life. It’s safe, fast, and doesn’t talk back and is always a stress reliever! If more people used toys, maybe we wouldn’t be such a Prozac nation! I encouraged the single women to use their toys before going out at night (if they were single) so they wouldn’t do something stupid with a person they didn’t know! You know, take the edge off a bit!
Back years ago, nobody ever talked about their toy boxes. Now we throw girls night out parties and we can’t get enough of them! It’s fun to see them be talked about because embracing our sexuality makes us happier, and healthier. Back when my mom was young, women were told they would go blind if they played with themselves. Maybe that’s why I need glasses! I just thought it had something to do with turning 40! hahahahahaha! With all the cooties out there, and all the relationships that aren’t happening, I think one of the best investments a girl can make in her own life is to find a toy that will satisfy her and get her through a dry spell. BTW, there are lubes for that too!
If you’re in a relationship, congrats, but if you haven’t tried a toy with your boy, maybe you should take it up to the next level. You may have out grown Barbie, but that doesn’t mean you should stop playing.
Add comment July 19, 2009
Dating the family…
When you are dating someone, how much does family involvement count? Being a single mom, I’m always conscious of dating a guy with kids, as I have them too. I’ve never involved my kids until I thought there was the potential for a relationship. In fact, when women introduce their young kids to their new “uncle”, I’ve always thought it was trashy. Now that my kids are older, it’s not as important because they understand the differences in dating and relationships. Still, when people are newly divorced, I think kids should stay out of the way until it’s been established that there is a relationship formed. Now, what about the rest of the family, I’m talking about your dates parents and siblings.
I’ve been dating a man who has a nightmare for a mom and a few sisters I can’t stand. I’m a very friendly girl and I always like to put my best foot forward when it comes to family. When we met though, his family (with the exception of one sister who is a dear friend of mine) basically ignored me from the get go.
He says that’s a great thing, because they normally dog people out, but I’m not used to that! His mom is just a beatch and barely acknowledges my existence. Do we have to date the family too?? What if the family is just plain mean?? If the guy is great and the family sucks, is it impending doom?? Will he eventually choose them or the girl? What is with the family anyways?? Why do I keep putting 2 question marks at the end of the sentences?? hahahahahahha!
How much does the family come into play in a relationship? Some of my friends say give it up now, the family will end up on top. Some say ignore them, and just keep plugging away. I don’t understand the concept of being nasty. Is it a control thing? Do they not like the thought of another women stepping into the picture? Why wouldn’t they want their son happy? I think some people are really stupid, or maybe just ignorant.
I have a lot of patience, but I swear, there isn’t enough wine available to drown out their attitudes and God knows, I’ve tried! All that happens is I get a hangover. What are the rules to dating when there is a family that isn’t supportive or even decent? Are there rules, or do you just have to put up with them and ignore them? Heck, I don’t know the answer to that one, does anyone??
1 comment July 10, 2009
