Archive for May, 2009
How many soulmates do we get?
Soulmate. What the heck does that word really mean? Does it mean your soul has one mate and that’s it? Can you have more? Can you have more than one at one time? If you lose your soulmate, is there another, or has your soulmate allotment been used up?
What happens if this soulmate does something like cheat on you, are they still your soulmate? How did we even come up with the concept of a soulmate? The thought of a soulmate is another person who you feel a natural connection, affinity and attraction too. Usually, this is in the context of the opposite sex unless you’re gay, then it would obviously be the same sex, duh. Sometimes I hear friends talk about meeting their soulmate and how important it is and it’s what they are looking for. I used to have a girlfriend who on the first date would talk about the “amazing connection they had and he just got her”. That usually resulted in never seeing each other again. I think she was so hooked on finding her “soulmate” that she scared the shit outta the guy by talking about it.
So, do we only get one? What happens if you find your soulmate at the age of 20 and into your 30′s realize you aren’t the same person as you were a long time ago and he’s not really your soulmate after all! When I got married at 23, I thought I knew it all and the sun rose and set on my husband. After about 9 years, I realized I wanted to smother him at times, we were not compatible anymore and I couldn’t wait to wake up to him not being in my bed! Do I get another chance?
My own personal thoughts on soulmates is they can exists in any form. I feel a strong connection to many of my girlfriends who I feel are like my sisters. I am madly in love with my dog and think if I could actually find a guy I loved as much, I might actually get married again. (my dog is pretty special and is just a big bunch of goodness wrapped in fur!) With men though, I’m probably a little more cynical.
I always say I’m looking for 80% I love about them and the remaining 20% I can live with. Maybe those are the wrong proportions, but I’m old enough to realize I’m not getting 100% compatibility, no matter what Match says. So, I think I can deal with 80%. I don’ t know about you, but I’m a bit sick of the word soulmate. It kind of implies that anything else is a failure. Why can’t I just have a wonderful time with a guy that makes me smile? He may not be my soul mate, but if we make each other happy, isn’t that what is most important?
Add comment May 31, 2009
Boyfriend Behavior
What constitutes being in a relationship? Meaning, does it have to be defined by one or both parties? Does someone need to make a declaration of “we are in an exclusive committed relationship”? My friend that I work with is dealing with this dilemma.
Now, this friend is the same one that I blogged about in “Friends with Benefits” (see below for blog). She went out with this guy for a few months, he broke it off with her, and then they started hanging out again as friends. Somehow though, the hanging out part has suspiciously turned into boyfriend/girlfriend behavior.
They have regular sleepovers including sex now, they cook together, go out together, cuddle on the couch together and so on. Recently, they took a trip away together with another couple (who say they’re a couple) for a long weekend. When she got back, I asked her if they were “together” again. She still doesn’t know! WTF?? He paid for the trip, and it was just like they were a couple, but he’s not really admitting that they are.
The guys were having a discussion on Ivanka Trump and how hot she is and he told my friend that if Ivanka wanted to go out, he might have to break up with her. Huh??? She didn’t realize they were together! If it walks like a boyfriend, talks like a boyfriend and has sex like a boyfriend, is it really a boyfriend?? Are there any rules regarding this? Who gets to make the decision?
Add comment May 30, 2009
Guys are like sweaters….
So the girls and I were out last night and started chatting and I remembered a few years ago talking with my friend Linda about men. (I know, big shock) I had determined that we could equate some men to clothing, specifically sweaters! It’s kinda like sometimes, no matter how cute the sweater is, it just doesn’t fit.
I’m a v neck sweater girl, preferably in cashmere. It’s not that I hate crew necks, or turtle necks or cowl necks for that matter. Just if all of those types of sweaters are in front of me, I tend to gravitate to the v neck in a softer knit.
Guys tend to be like sweaters, no matter how cute they are, sometimes they are the wrong style for the girl. It could be they are to turtley (yes it’s a made up word). Meaning they usually like to strangle (not literally) and smother you and are over possessive.
Maybe they are too much like a cowl neck, you know, a little sloppy, never quite fits in. This sweater and guy always wants to look polished, but just misses the mark a bit. How about the guy who is like a crew neck? Very proper, always polite, but it’s hard to accessorize correctly. I’m always thinking pearls, cause the really funky necklace just looks out of place.
V neck sweaters work for me. They don’t fit too tight around my neck, I can put a cute necklace on if I like (or my favorite sweater which is nicknamed the “magic sweater”, it’s a really deep v so I accessorize with my cleavage). The v neck can also fit pretty much every occasion.
Now, equating this to men, I like a guy who is not too clingy, can get dressed up or down depending on the occasion and isn’t too stuffy or proper. Yep, that’s my man!
Now, what about giving your sweater (guy) to a friend?? Well my girlfriend and I determined that is totally acceptable as long as the tags haven’t been removed. Meaning, if you have slept with him he can’t be returned or exchanged or given away. If the tags are still on and you think the sweater (guy) would fit one of your pals better, feel free to give it/him to her! Maybe my friend would love to wear a turtle neck!
Add comment May 29, 2009
the friend zone….
So, have you had relationships that are with the opposite sex, but strictly platonic?? I have had a few of those and although I’m only interested in friendship, they want a bit more. I call it the friend zone and no mortal man has ever made it out of mine into the friends with benefits zone, or intimate zone.
These are my guy friends with whom I have no sexual chemistry, but I love to hang with. It would be great if you could change it, because they are awesome friends! But, when it comes down to it, all I want is their friendship.
Why can’t we have both? What makes us sexually attracted to some people and not to others? Is it that they know so much about us that they’ve just become friends? Was there no attraction to start with? Why do they have to like us more than we like them?? Are you tired of me asking questions?? hahahahaha. So, back to the task at hand, (no pun intended) what is with this friend zone?
I look at some of my guy friends, and think what great boyfriends they would make for someone, just not me. What creates that sexual spark? Sometimes I read about people who after years of being friends, realize they are soul mates. WTF??? Maybe they just gave up and decided to give it a whirl before they get too old. If the person has been around you for years, why haven’t you noticed???
They write movies about this stuff all the time, where the “friend” is secretly pining for the other and giving them advise about how to deal with another failed relationship and one day, BAM, (usually in the rain) they kiss and it’s over. Very when Sally met Harry. How many times in real life does that happen? Has anyone ever made it out of the friend zone?? Maybe it’s like a big, black hole….
Add comment May 27, 2009
Does size matter??
Chatting with the besties, and started talking about guys again (geez men take up a lot of our thoughts!) and does size matter when it comes to their penises. I’m sure guys worry about this too, just as women worry about the size of their asses! So, does size matter? (hahahaha, I just typed meater instead of matter and had to change it! Freudian slip perhaps??)
Well, size isn’t as big of a deal as guys think (no pun intended). Now, I’m not talking about a micro penis that is the size of a pinkie, if a guy has that, he’s kind of f#%& ed. Well, not really f #%&ed. (there are wayyyyy too many opportunities for plays on words here folks.) One of my girlfriends dated a guy with a micro penis and his nickname from us was the Angry Inch. He was also really short and had short man syndrome (more than one short).
Then there are the guys that have HUGE penises, they aren’t much fun either. It’s not that we don’t like big dicks, but when a guy has a really big dick, he usually lacks in other skills such as oral sex. You see, he’s counted on his big dick to do all the work for him in his sex life so he hasn’t developed other skills. To those guys I say, BORING! You need to bring something else to the table and the bed. And if the dick is too big, then ouch, my vajaja isn’t the Grand Canyon and although my mouth is big, it hurts after being stretched too wide for too long.
BTW, if men don’t think women discuss the size of their members, they are so wrong. It’s one of the first questions we ask a girlfriend when we find out they’ve slept with someone new. So back to size. Average is good, a little above average is great, but the rest of the package is what we really think about. We like to have some all about us time and appreciate all of your skills. There should be foreplay, oral and back scratches involved. (actually, I just added the back scratches because I love them, it’s not universal!) Girth is more appreciated than length, but we don’t really elaborate on it too much. I guess the bottom line is size, or lack there of, is more worrisome to the guy than the girl, just like we think our butts are too big.
2 comments May 18, 2009
First time for everything!
OMG! My sister told me a story about her last night and it was so funny, I had to share it. So, way back in her high school days, (early 80′s) she was going out with this boy, “Robert”.
Now, back in the day, there wasn’t a lot of personal landscaping going on. Meaning, not a lot of people trimmed or got rid of the “hair down there.” (thank God that has changed!) So she and “Robert” go on this date and it gets pretty hot and heavy in the love van. He goes down on her and it’s the first time anyone has ever done that to her. When he gets done, he comes back up to her and tells her there is a problem.
Now, not ever having done that before, she has no clue what he’s talking about. Well, “Robert” informs her that he had a big wad of chewing gum in his mouth that is now all spread through her pubic hair!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA! She’s like, WTF! So she had to carefully pull her pants back up and when she got home, and she looks down (it was dark in the van) she discovers there is gum all through her hair and she had to take scissors and cut it all out. Maybe that was the start of the get rid of the hair down there revolution!
Add comment May 17, 2009
Don’t want no cheap ass man!
Last weekend, I had a girls night out with some wonderful friends. We got together, had way too many cocktails (thank God for cabs) and started hashing out one of their relationships. My friend J, has been dating a guy for a few months. She had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who was in med school. After they broke up, I found out that during their time together, she was paying for everything! The trips they took, dinners, all of it. Now, he is in med school, but there is something about a guy that is letting a women pay for everything that rubs me wrong.
You may say that I’m setting a double standard here because I do like guys paying for my dinner, but since women get called golddiggers, cougars and other things, I think it’s fair. Now please stop with the hating, I’m not having a guy pay my bills here, I’m very self sufficient. But, when I go out with a man, it’s expected that he pays most of the time. I don’t even do the “fake wallet reach” any more.
Back to my friend…. She is now in a relationship with a successful doctor who is in his mid 50′s. She is still paying for most everything. On her birthday, he took her to an okay dinner and for a Harley ride after. He then told her the Harley ride was worth about $300 because that’s what it would cost if she rented one. WTF??????? I told her the next morning in my hangover induced semi-coma that the blow job she gave him probably had a street value of $500. Maybe I should email former Governor Spitzer to find out what a hooker costs so J knows how much to charge her boyfriend for a night of sex. Just a thought.
Seriously though, why do some women find only cheap guys? Is it a “I want a cheap ass man” vibe that she is putting out there?? My friend is beautiful, very successful and one of the nicest girls I know. She has a bad habit of dating these types of men though. I’ve had some bad habits in the past in my dating, like guys who give you things and try and take them back, but at least they are paying for dinner. BTW, they aren’t getting dinner back, I’m not bulimic. Okay, that was a little gross.
Anyway, I’m just putting it out there, no girl wants to date a cheap ass man and no girl should have to date one.
Add comment May 15, 2009
I ain’t sayin she’s a Golddigger….
Golddigger, such an expressive word. When I think of a golddigger, I think of a young women marrying a really old rich guy kinda like Anna Nicole Smith. Now days, dating anyone with means tends to bring up the term. Why is dating or marrying a man with money considered so heinous? Is it just a jealousy thing? Do the have nots just want to pick at the haves?
When I got married, I married for love. We didn’t have anything and I didn’t divorce well. Not saying I was in a shack, but I had to go back to work after being a stay at home mom. My sister married for love and was hurt financially since the guy turned out to be a huge slacker. So when you are damaged financially by the one you love, wouldn’t it make sense to date someone with money?
The first guy I dated out of my marriage was very wealthy. He wanted to get married, I didn’t, but I wore a huge ring on my finger for 9 months. If I had married him, I would have been like the bird kept in the golden cage. Trapped, but in really nice surroundings! It wasn’t worth it to me, and since I wasn’t marrying a diamond, I broke it off.
Now, I have had a habit of dating wealthy men for most of the time I’ve been divorced. I don’t know if it’s a them finding me, or me finding them or what. I sometimes think since I happen to have a more dominant personality, the only ones that can handle it are men who are secure. ( funny thing is, as secure as they are in business, they usually aren’t in relationships) Now, some of those guys were just f in crazy. I told a few of them that the only thing that keeps people from calling them crazy is the amount of zeros in their bank accounts! They are described as “eccentric”. I think that’s the definition of eccentric btw, frickin crazy with a lot of money.
The weird thing is, as much as I’m attracted to men with money, they turn me off too. They think they can buy anyone, and truth be told, they usually can. They also tend to cheat on you especially when they have multiple homes because they can. I went out with a guy one time here in Scottsdale and within a week, found out he was dating 3 other gals and they all thought they were going to marry him! They thought that because he told them that! This guy is one of the biggest manwhores in AZ, and I immediately told him I wasn’t going out with him again.
Men use money to get women, just like women use their looks to get men. I don’t think it’s a bad thing if both parties have their eyes open to what their commodity is. It’s only bad if there is no honesty involved, or if money or looks are the only motivation. Both can be gone in a blink of the eye as the recent economy has taught us. Women like to feel secure financially, and emotionally. Men like to be the provider of that security. It goes back to the caveman mentality and I think we have really gotten away from it.
The only men that I would have considered marrying since my divorce are actually the ones that made the least amount of money. They weren’t poor, but definitely had to work. I found that they had more in common with me and were just easy to be with. A friend asked me if I met a great guy who didn’t make much money, would I date him. I had to be honest and say no I wouldn’t. I need someone who strives to be successful and who brings something to the table like me. I don’t need him to be a Bill Gates, but he needs to be successful at whatever he does and that means financially as well. I don’t need a man to support me, but I’m not going to support him either. I am attracted to smart, funny, successful men and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Thoughts??
Add comment May 9, 2009
Is Cougar a bad word??
Obviously there has been a lot of talk about women being cougars, they even made a reality show about it! Funny thing is the woman is from my town and her son used to go to school with my kids. Now, guys have dated younger women for centuries. There is even a joke about it, the half your age plus one.
We have never judged men too harshly for doing this, actually the girl gets the brunt of that usually being called a gold digger. Why is that? We don’t make a point of calling the guy a cradle robber, we just whisper that she must be in it for the money, not he’s in it for the sex. So now women are doing the same thing and it seems like everyone is talking about it! Why do we have such double standards when it comes to dating out of your generation?
I know that I’ve been attracted to men older than me, but I do have more in common with the younger guys. We listen to the same music, like to go do different things and like more sex. Now, I’m not a pour a beer down a funnel in my mouth kind of gal, (wonder if you can do that with wine) but generally speaking I am of a younger mindset.
We tend to judge women more harshly with everything. If a women is successful at work, people assume she slept her way there, if she is a stay at home mom, she doesn’t care about being successful. All of this shit just sucks!
I wonder when we will get to the point when we look at a younger man/older woman combo and think they are just a happy couple? I admit, I’m guilty of it too. I had a friend of mine ask me if I would be on the cover of a local magazine because they needed someone in my age range. When I found out it was because they were doing it for an article on cougars, I said no way! I didn’t want my picture being associated with that word. A few years later, I’m wondering what is the big deal? My son said he wouldn’t want me on a reality TV show like that, so it reaches farther than just my age group. I guess as we get older and more mature in my quest for love, the labels are starting to fall away and we realize that we just want to be happy. And that happiness may come in a different package than what we’ve been used to.
2 comments May 7, 2009
Friends with benefits??
Well, yesterday I was talking to one of the girls I work with, who dated a guy recently. Now they went out for a few months and had a great time and then he broke it off with her. She was upset for a weekend or so, but was getting over him.
About a week after they broke up, he started calling her again. They’ve gone out, but now something has changed in the dynamics of the relationship. They do everything like a couple dating, except have sex. They had sex the first round of dating, and apparently it was good, so now what’s up? She said they spent the weekend together, rented movies, cooked dinner, cuddled on the couch, but he doesn’t want to do the nasty.
She also went over late Saturday night, and he was actually offended that she wanted to have sex. In her mind, she doesn’t need a buddy to do all the stuff a couple that is dating does and not get to the finish line. He thinks they are just hanging out so no sex is fine. Is he getting it somewhere else I asked?? She said they spent every evening together so she didn’t think so.
She’s definitely looking for a friends with benefits deal, because she doesn’t need another “friend”. He is feeling like a piece of meat I guess. When did the roles reverse?? WTF??? What is this guy thinking? My friend is really hot and most guys would want to do her, but he’s happy with cuddling, spending the night and doing things that couples do, except the sex part. Very frustrating for her. I told her to get a vibrator and get rid of him unless she is just wanting what he’s giving. I think somewhere in the past few weeks he must have grown a pussy and now doesn’t need one.
Add comment May 6, 2009
