Archive for April, 2009
Pick one… alone, or in a shitty relationship
Which one would you rather be in? By yourself, or in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you, but you have a plus one. I think a lot of people pick the relationship because they are afraid of being by themselves. I see men and women who just can’t be alone, so they are with someone who makes them miserable. WTF is up with that? Is it worth it?
I would rather be by myself than pissed off constantly at someone. If the what I hate about you list is longer than the what I love about you list, you need to rethink your relationship. I was in a relationship not too long out of my divorce. I didn’t really know myself at that point, and was satisfied for a while with this man. Now, this guy was nice, treated me well, but was very possessive about me. That’s where the cloth started to unravel. As I found myself again, I started to resent the intrusiveness of his presence. He would push harder and I would pull back harder. It finally got to it’s breaking point when I found myself telling him, “you’re so not the boss of me” several times a day. Now, I hadn’t been by myself in many years, but I knew if I couldn’t be happy by myself, how could I be happy with someone else? Never expect someone to make you happy, that’s your job. Men can enhance your life, make it even sweeter than it is, but you should be able to be happy on your couch curled up with just you.
2 comments April 30, 2009
How many guys can you screw before you’re a slut?
What is the official rule in dating on how many people you can sleep with before you’re labeled a slut? My friends and I were discussing this recently and were wondering about it. First of all, what are the playing parameters? Are they different if you’re in your 20′s, 30′s, 40′s and higher? Is it a cumulative number or can you start back at zero each time you hit a new decade? Does it count if there were more than one during one encounter? Are you less of a slut when you’re older because you don’t give a shit and your hormones are making you horny? When you’re older do the guys talk about you less?
Let’s start back in high school… Back then, and I’m assuming now, girls got labeled sluts pretty easily. The boys talked in the locker room and it was all over school pretty quick if you were sleeping around. In college, the playing field was bigger, so unless you were screwing the fraternity or a sports team, you could sleep with more people before you got labeled.
Once you were in your adulthood, you could screw around a lot more as long as you knew how to shut your mouth (obviously not your legs, HA). Does anyone care how many is too many anymore? Why do men want to know how many men you’ve slept with, but women are less curious?
Does all this questioning make you want to drink wine??
It’s kind of like the old Tootsie Pop commercial, you know the how many licks does it take to get to the center? When is it too many? I try and think back about the men I’ve slept with and somehow I know I’m messing up the count. I didn’t sleep with any when I was in high school, so that number is easy, college is pretty easy too as I only had a few boyfriends. After college, I only had a few until I got married at 23 and I didn’t cheat on my husband, so the next 11 years are easy.
Now, after I got my divorce is when it gets a bit fuzzy. Do I not remember because it wasn’t that good? Because it wasn’t important, or at this point in my I don’t give a shit? BTW, girls talk worse than men at my age, maybe because we avoided it when we were younger so we wouldn’t look like sluts or we are just happy to get some. Does anyone know if there is an official range that is acceptable??? I know I don’t look at my girlfriends and judge them and in my past, they would congratulate me for getting laid. When did the tables turn?
2 comments April 29, 2009
Internet Connections (part one)
So, I used to date using the Internet, you know like Match. A friend of mine recently had been on match and we were talking about the insecurity it breeds. Let’s say you meet someone and hit if off on a date and maybe you go on a few more dates and really like each other. When is it time to hide your profile? I remember dating someone and every time I would get back on Match, I immediately looked to see if he had hid his profile. You don’t want to ask them to do so, you just want them to want to.
It seems that the women hide their profiles first, is it a sign they are looking for commitment? Are the guys leaving theirs open to show they are still available? Do you both have to agree to take your profiles off at the same time? Are there any rules???? What happens if you both decide to hide your profiles and then one opens theirs back up and the other person sees it? It leads to a lot of doubt and insecurity.
I love the guys who say they are closing their account, but then have their profile opened up. I was a match aficionado (not by choice, but by necessity) and know very well how it works. ( BTW guys, you don’t have to open your profile to close your account, they are two separate functions.) That happened to my sister and the guy swore he was just trying to close it up. Well, that also ended it for my sister and him.
When you’re match dating, it’s very unnerving to see what the other person is up too and I’m not sure if it’s very healthy for the relationship. I think Match is a good way to meet people you might not have met, but it also can derail some potential relationships because we know too much. Your thoughts??
Add comment April 28, 2009
Are we being forced to be cougars??
Well, my sister and got out of the house last night and went to meet a girlfriend of mine who was hanging out with some guy friends. It was a pre bachelor party for one of the young pups and they were at a local Scottsdale hang out. The bar was packed with men and women and we were in the VIP area, so that was nice.
When we got there, we noticed that all the guys in the party were much younger than us. I’m talking 25-35 range and all were very nice and friendly. As the evening progressed, my sissy and I decided to do some research on dating different ages. We were asking the guys their preferences on dating and what ages they were usually going for. A lot of them said they didn’t like dating women in their low 20′s because they were insecure with themselves, their sexuality and haven’t had a lot of life experiences. They liked dating older women, but the older women didn’t want to date them because they (the guys) weren’t as financially established in their careers and may want kids and issues like that. So where does that leave the 25-35 guys?
Now, the 45-55 year old men, want to date 22-29 year old women, because I think it makes them feel younger that they can still get a girl that age. The younger girls go for these guys because they do have more money (usually) and are pretty confident. Confused yet? I know I am!
Where does that leave the 25-35 range guys and the 40 something women? We don’t want to date someone 60, because that’s too old, and the guys our age are looking at the 20 somethings, so are we being forced to become cougars? We are young acting, young looking (thanks to lasers and botox!) and want to have fun. If the guys in our ages don’t want to date us, we have to go older or younger.
The younger guys last night, were much more attentive than guys my age have been with me and that was really refreshing. They were chatty, funny and trying really hard to make a good impression. That doesn’t happen with men our age. Those guys seem to take us for granted, that we are desperate for attention and will just fall all over them to get a drink. (BTW, older guys, ain’t gonna happen with a girl like me, I can buy my own drink)
This dating dilemma has me thinking. For procreation, neither scenario is going to be effective. Older men already have their kids as do older women and probably don’t want to have anymore. Younger ones will want kids eventually and are stuck with someone who isn’t going to give them that option. So are we dating ourselves into extinction?? Are we being forced to date out of our age range do to what is attractive to the opposite sex? Thoughts??
6 comments April 26, 2009
Too needy or not too needy?
I was working yesterday, and a client and I were talking about men and dating (big surprise) and stuff like that. She’s been married 3 times and has never had a problem attracting the opposite sex. My sister and I were talking about some of the people we know that are coupled and wonder how the heck that happened!
Why are there so many attractive, smart, independent women out there searching for the “one”. Well, my client told me I have to be more needy and dependent. We were actually role playing what I should be saying. Now, in between me laughing my ass off and not thinking I could do this, she does have a point. She told me to go to a bar and stand next to a man and say, “I’m thirsty and I can’t get any attention from the bartender, could you help me?” I’m asking everyone, does this really work???
OMG, seriously, has it come to the point where women have evolved into independent people, but still have to play the helpless card to get a guy? My male friends have told me that I can be intimidating to men. I don’t mean to be, but I can carry on an intelligent conversation, and I’m not afraid to express and share my opinions. Does that make me less desirable in the dating pool? Do I have to regress to a needy girl so a man can come rescue me and make it all better??
I know there are games that men and women play while doing the whole mating dance, but aren’t there any confident guys who want a take charge kind of gal? Let me know, I would looooove your opinions. In the mean time, I think I’ll go out tonight and do a little research. I first need to practice my helpless look.
Add comment April 25, 2009
Fighting to break up?
The song goes, breaking up is hard to do, but why is it? Are we afraid of hurting the other person, or hurting ourselves, or because it’s just not fun? When one person gets to the point where they want to end it, why is it so difficult to just spit it out? An easier approach seems to be pick a fight, break it off.
I’ve used this approach myself in the past. I have been in relationships that I knew weren’t going to work, but just couldn’t seem to pull the trigger. I would find myself wishing the person would do something that really made me mad, so I could say, “goodbye” and walk away and feel like the jilted one. Even though, I knew it was them that was getting tossed to the curb. Do we do this so we don’t feel like the bad guy?
There are legitimate reasons to break things off, including, I’m just not that into you anymore. We can have a change of heart at any time, usually though it’s a build up. Sometimes, the person is wonderful and the timing is off. Sometimes, you just know there isn’t a long term path that can happen for lots of reasons. Sometimes, it just doesn’t feel good. Whatever the reason is, why do we have to be so cowardly to pick a fictitious fight so we can take our ball and go home. It makes me laugh, that even at my age and older, we still do this.
When this has happened to me when I was younger, I would spend hours wondering what the fuck happened. I would pour over every detail with my girlfriends and analyze the shit out of it. All the time, never realizing the guy wasn’t right for me and I should be feeling grateful it was over with and could move on!
When we are younger women, we tend to blame ourselves. Now, I’m over 40 and have a lot more experience. When it has happened in this stage of my life, I usually make one attempt to find out if the guy was serious and then let it go. Obviously, I’m much better off without him and his issues. Thank God, I’ve grown and evolved as a woman, and am comfortable in my own skin. I’m grateful for my life, and for the chances it gives me.
For everyone out there who has had this happen to them, look forward not back, the only thing back there is an ass!
Add comment April 25, 2009
How many is enough?
Have you ever dated a guy who wants to have more than one girl in bed at a time? It’s a very popular request, and from my standpoint gets old. What is it with men and thinking they need 2 girls at one time to satisfy themselves? I think some of them believe they are so potent, that one girl really isn’t enough, they can handle two!
I have met so many guys that are into the group sex thing, that I think it may be difficult to find one that wants just one. (note to guys, if I won’t have sex with you, I’m not going to have sex with you in a group.) It’s funny, a friend of mine has tried to get me to fix him up with a couple of girls, and I want to tell him, he’s not up to it literally! If you can’t make one girl happy, you sure as hell aren’t gonna make 2 happy!
Is group sex out there as big as I think it is? Are other women finding this to be a popular trend too?? Frankly, I’m sick of being asked. I want one guy who wants one girl and nobody else is coming to the party my friend!
Add comment April 23, 2009
Is the economy helping or hurting the quest for love??
Well, I was in line today to mail something and a woman was complaining to the guy that owns the place about her bad dating stories. Seeing that I’m all about that, I asked her what was the problem. I guess a man she met through a mutual friend (and I hope I have all the story correct) and had dated three weeks did something she considered shady.
When they met, he told her that financially he was in dire straits and didn’t have any money. She continued to date him, because she liked the guy. He asked her to come over to his house and even gave her a key to it, which would indicate that he liked her too.
Well, I guess he told their mutual friend, the story about his finances were false. He said he used that line with the women in Scottsdale to see if they liked him for him, or his money. Her friend then told her what he said, and she broke it off with him immediately, and was really pissed he lied to her. So, who do you think was right and who was wrong??
A very wealthy friend of mine was talking to me a few months ago about the dating scene here. He’s an attractive guy, and most wouldn’t know how wealthy he is unless they were told. He doesn’t wear his money on his sleeve, except his clothes are custom made. He said that he had never had so much attention from women in his life as recently and attributed it to the economy. He said that women are really husband hunting because they are afraid of being single and dealing with the economy on their own.
They say that less people are getting divorced now because they can’t afford to, does that also mean that more people are getting married because they can’t afford to be single? Are more women than usual looking for wealthy men because of their losses in the stock market or unemployment? Are girls nights out becoming a way of looking for a Mrs degree? Wtf is up with all that. Care to share your thoughts?
3 comments April 17, 2009
worst “bidet” ever!!!
So, this post has absolutely nothing to do with dating, but it’s really funny in a gross kind of way. My sister and I have the best dog ever. His name is Braveheart and he’s a pretty big goldendoodle. We love him to death and think if we could ever find a man we love as much, maybe we wouldn’t be single!
Last night, I’m sitting on my couch enjoying a glass of wine and Brave needs to go outside to go potty. I let him out and am waiting for him to come in and he doesn’t. Now, I live in Scottsdale, and the yards are fenced in and not very big, so after about 10 minutes, I wonder where he is. I call him and he doesn’t come. I go to my bedroom where my sister is thinking she let him in from that door, but she hasn’t. I go back outside and call him and I hear his collar jingling.
When he’s walking towards me, he has his butt tucked under him, like he has to poop still. He goes in my bedroom and doesn’t want to lay down and still looks like he’s gonna poop, so I send him back out. Then, he goes and lays on the grass. I call him back over and lift his tail, and I see what the problem is. He has a piece of shit about 2 inches long still stuck in his butt. SO, I open the door and tell my sis that he’s praire doggin it and we are gonna have to get it out. I am so disgusted at this point, but I can’t have that shit in my house! (no pun intended here)
Now, I have one glove in my house so I put it on and grab a flashlight. Cindy holds Brave, and tries to shine some light on the situation, but she’ laughing so much it’s hard to see. I’m holding up his tail with my ungloved hand, and trying to get the poop off with some toilet paper. I’m trying not to puke at this point and keep running into the bathroom to flush the poop down. Now, I have tears running down my face from the dry heaving and there is still shit on his ass. I look at Cyn and say, “we need to hose him down”.
Well, the hose is in the front yard so we take him out there and she holds him and I start to give him basically an enema. I’m now laughing my ass off at my sis trying to hold him (he’s about 60 lbs), and me trying to hose his ass with water and scrape the dingleberries off with my gloved hand. As I scrape the poop off, I’m throwing it down and notice that someone has let their dog shit in my yard, (dumb ass) and am working very hard to get my dog clean. Finally, he’s poop free, a little traumatized and wet. His mom’s are way traumatized, and need more wine. As we went back into the house, I realized how much I do love that dog and if I ever find a man I love as much, would I be willing to hose his ass down too?? Just a thought.
2 comments April 17, 2009
Does age matter when it comes to love??
Okay, so listening to the radio today, I heard that Mel Gibson is dating someone almost 30 years his junior and 5 years younger than his daughter. I’ve dated a lot older than me and never had a problem with it until recently. My average age of dating older is ten years, but I’ve gone as high as 17 years. Does it really make a difference in the age we date?
Many of my friends ask me if I’ve dated younger and I haven’t really been interested in younger men. I don’t have that “cougar” instinct. Hmmmm, maybe that’s my problem! Since I think emotionally I’m so young (my mom would say immature) I may be better suited to someone younger!
Here’s my thoughts…. In my 30′s I didn’t have a problem dating older because they were in their 40′s early 50′s. Now that I’m in my 40′s, they are pushing 60! The problem with that is, the age gap is going to continue to get larger because they are going to be slowing down and I’m still going to be (at least in my mind) younger. Do I really want to be 50 and be with someone in their late 60′s?? A friend of mine married a man 17 years her senior and it wasn’t really noticeable until he hit 70. Then the health problems started and it was really difficult.
I also find that even though I have a lot in common with older men, I also have a lot of differences. Music, movies and even sex (I want it more than they do) can be challenges because we have different frames of references and different sex drives. I’m now gravitating to men that are within 7-8 years of my age, because it just seems easier and less complicated.
Not sure about the younger man thing, many of my friends are trying it, with a lot of success actually! So, how old is too old and how young is too young? Anyone have thoughts??
8 comments April 15, 2009
