You always want what you can’t have…
Why is it we always want what we can’t have?? Even if we did have it at one time and didn’t want it, as soon as it’s gone, is when we decide we want it back. I remember my kids when they were little, had toys that they hadn’t played with for months, but the moment I wanted to sell it in a garage sale, or give it away, it became the most precious toy of all! So, that being said, I think this is a behavior that is ingrained in us from the beginning.
Now, let’s move this from toys to relationships. When men and women break up, they want nothing to do with the other person….. UNTIL, someone else wants them. Nobody is as desirable as someone who is desired by another. Kinda like the toy huh??
I have a friend who was dating a guy who was in the midst of getting divorced. I told her that nothing good was going to come of it. For some reason, men getting divorced think they can handle getting divorced, transitioning into a singleton, helping the kids get adjusted and starting a new relationship. Women once in a while think they can, but let me tell you, IT’S NOT FUCKING POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!
When you’re getting a divorce, you need to focus on you and the divorce and your kids. Don’t bring someone else into the mix! All that will happen, is the new person is gonna get their heart stomped on when the divorcing person finally realizes that they can’t do it all! That is exactly what happened to my friend, and no I didn’t say I told you so, I’m not that meany!
Now, after a few weeks of not talking to the guy (who is the one who said he can’t deal with starting a new relationship and told her he wouldn’t be talking to her or texting any more), the guy starts texting her again. WTF????? He’s been sending her texts that says that he misses her and he’s thinking about her…. This guys is such a dick. It’s like he’s realized that someone else might be interested in his toy, and he wants to stay in her head a little longer to fuck with her.
I told her not to respond and hopefully she wont. I may sound a little harsh in my thoughts about the guy, but seriously, once you’ve said you can’t deal with everything in your life, does 3 weeks make a difference? I’m sure he’s still not divorced, still is going to be adjusting with his kids and still needs to leave her alone.
Note to everyone, male or female. If the person isn’t divorced, is currently separated, or recently divorced, leave them alone! They have a lot of shit to deal with mentally, emotionally and financially. They may be a catch in the future, but in the meantime, throw them back!
Add comment February 7, 2010
When you know, will you really know??
So, watching He’s just not into you tonight and really paying attention to the Gigi character who is perpetually searching for love. It reminded me of a girl I used to know who each first date she had, she declared that he was the ONE!
Every time she went out with a new guy, which was a lot, she would come into work and talk about how he thought she was the funniest girl (she wasn’t, she was fucking crazy) and he just GOT her. Then, Monday would come, and he wouldn’t call and she would wonder why. I could have told her she was fucking crazy and the guy figured it out, but that would have been mean. (or would it have been???)
Back to the movie, Gigi is looking for her plus one, but is so eager to find him, that she is scaring the heck outta everyone! It makes me wonder, if we seem aloof, are we better off, or does it really matter in the game of love. Will we both know when it’s right? Will we be on the same wavelength? What if one is into the other person, but the other isn’t? WTF man, why is love the hardest thing to find of all?
I’ve been good at most things that I’ve done, my career, kids (teenagers are a challenge I will admit) but the biggest challenge of all is finding long lasting, true love. I don’t know if my love radar is just off (kinda like mapquest trying to find a destination, hate them) or I’m just really not in a place to find it.
I had a few clients in this week and we were talking about if you have been alone so long, does it make it hard to be with someone? I do know that if I was to live with or marry a guy, I couldn’t do it in the house I’m in now, because there isn’t enough closet space. I’ve been divorced 10 years now, and it’s hard to think of me living with someone.
Kinda sad actually, maybe that’s why I do long distance loves, because it keeps them at arms length, (or airports length). Lets say I meet the one that I get and gets me, are we both going to know it? At the same time??
My friend Shelley met the love of her life at a baseball game, while she was with her ex husband. They knew within a few weeks that they were meant for each other and have been happily married for over 3 years. I think when we meet our plus one, our hearts need to speak to each other and we need to listen to what they say. I still believe in love and everlasting love, I just need to open mine up to the possibility of love.
Add comment January 30, 2010
Stage five clinger!
One of the girls I work with was telling me about her dating experiences over the weekend. She is a very pretty, smart, confident woman and basically a HAISS type of gal. She went on a date to a basketball game with a guy she’s seen a few times and had fun and he had tickets to the game in the area where the lounge is so there were lots of his friends around.
They were having a great time, and while she was having a conversation with one of his friends, he wanted her to drop it and sit with him and watch the game. She wanted to finish the conversation, so she told him she would when she was done. Well, he got his feelings hurt and was pissed at her that she didn’t drop everything at that moment.
Her thoughts were, he should be happy she is a confident girl and had not only the ability to hold an intelligent conversation, but also doesn’t have to be babysat. He was thinking she should want to be next to him constantly and basically hang on his hip. WTF??? Men want women who can hold their own, but also will dote on them when they want.
Problem is, as women have become more independent, the need to just be arm candy has diminished. Not sayin we don’t want to be arm candy, but we also like to be able to use our brains and not have our happiness revolve around someone. She told him that she is independent and he should be happy she wasn’t a clinger, and he was still pissed. Now, being an independent woman myself, I like spending time apart at the same event. If both people are comfortable and secure, it shouldn’t be a problem.
He sounded very insecure to me which probably not work out with her. Is there any happy medium? Are we supposed to drop everything when the person we are with tells us too? That happened to me recently. I was in Vegas playing blackjack and winning for once, when my date made me feel guilty about not spending time with him. I was pissed! It was like, dude, if it’s bugging you, then come find me. But instead, I gathered up my chips and went and found him. Good thing it was his birthday, if it wasn’t I would probably not have left!
2 comments January 13, 2010
How damaging is texting?
Okay, I admit that I love to text. It’s a great way to communicate with my kids and my friends and when you don’t really want to talk, it gets the job done. Unfortunately, a lot of what is in a text form, gets in translation.
So many of us use texting to fight, make up, break up and tell other people off. I know when I get a test that is all capital letters, I think the person is yelling at me and it makes me mad. One of our friends was texting like that, but he wasn’t yelling, he just has really bad eyesight and he was using caps to see better! Opps, sorry!
So, what other messages are misunderstood? Well, text it, and it can have problems. I have been in relationships where I think the guy has broken up with me, but I’m not quite sure. That really sucks. You sit around and wonder and if the other person doesn’t text you back, you’re like in fucking text limbo. The delay in communication can make you crazy!
Another problem with texting is you shorten the words so it’s faster and use abbreviations, but when you don’t put exactly what you want, you can totally be taken wrong. You spend a lot of time redoing the text to explain what was misunderstood from the original text which takes longer than it would if you just spelled it out the first time. Phew. Is anybody tired of this??
What ever happened to sitting down and talking, or talking over the phone?? Why do we put ourselves through this?? I’m just as guilty of this as anyone. I misunderstand texts and write confusing texts although I’m not trying to do. I just think a lot of what we mean to say includes the tone and texture of our voice not just our words. When we lose that, we can lose the intention of the message. In the age of electronic communication, we are losing the human aspect of communication. And sometimes, it sucks.
6 comments January 12, 2010
Life is a competition…
Life is a competition where most of us are like, “Bring on the games”! When I was in school, the teachers tried to make everything a competition including who got to take the kick ball out for recess. I usually won that one, because I learned very quickly she was looking for “may I take the kick ball”, not “can I take the kick ball”. I have never forgotten that lesson and my kids hate that!
I don’t like the fact that in schools today, they try to down play competition unless you’re on a sports team. If we don’t teach our kids how to compete early and well, they aren’t going to make it as adults! EVERYTHING, is a competition! Jobs, driving, (ok, the driving one is for me, not sure if it’s a sport) and also love is a competition.
Now, competing for men is one area I don’t like competing in. I want to be chased and pursued, but not in a crazy stalker way. I’m an attractive girl, with a lot of brains and wit, so sometimes, I think they should be working for me, not the other way around. I think I have it wrong. Men want to be pursued also, (I think at least!) and by me taking myself out of the competition, I’m actually hurting my chances at finding a guy.
Since men are the one area in my life I don’t compete in, I keep asking myself WTF is wrong with me?? Does it have to do with my fear of commitment? Do I purposely avoid putting myself in the game because I don’t want to be picked? I remember being in grade school and at recess you played kickball, and it was crucial to your social stature that you didn’t get picked last. Remember how much it hurt and sucked when you were the last kid standing?? So why do I put myself in that position?
I think I am the last kid standing when it comes to competing in love. I also know I have myself to thank for that position, since I put myself there. Some men think I’m intimidating when I meet them, and thinking about it, they are probably right. I have a very quick wit and am not afraid to use it! It probably comes off as bitchiness, when it’s really just a wall I’ve thrown up. So, maybe for 2010, I learn to use my mouth to smile more, and watch what I say till someone gets used to me! And maybe learn to trust a little more too. Thoughts??
2 comments January 3, 2010
slap a bitch
OMG!!!! Have you ever wanted to just slap a bitch?? My sister used to have a guy she dated back in MI 2 years ago. He was a pretty good guy, but he couldn’t deal with a LDR (long distance relationship) so they broke up, but remained friends. He’s dated a few real losers since then and the reason I know is one of them in particular, lifted my sisters number from his phone and has made it a habit to text her.
Now, he’s a fucking pussy for letting her have his phone, and it’s gotten so bad that she takes his phone (btw, he’s 6′4″ and about 270) and looks at the pics of my sis and I that she has sent to him because they have remained friends. WTF is wrong with that woman?? Is she that insecure that she needs to see what he is always doing? Can you not be friends with someone after you broke up?
I soooooo want to slap that ho after reading her texts. Now my sissy is playing with her and sending some really funny shit. Women are so hateful to each other because of men. I don’t get what her problem is. If she is that insecure, then why date him?? He is Italian and a huge flirt and looky lou with other women, but she would know that on the first date. Why is it that with some women, even the women want to slap them?
Now I’m not advocating abuse in any manner, and I’m really not going to slap anyone, (unless I’m wearing pig tails and then watch out) but in my mind, I’m totally bitch slapping them. It feels like an Ally McBeal episode where they are showing what goes on in the persons mind, but not in real life.
Seriously, there are such stupid women out there, totally not the “How am I still single” type. They are the “I’m so fucking stupid, I need to be locked up and smacked” type. Sorry to be ranting a bit, but this stupid bitch in Michigan totally falls into the second category. Do you know anyone like that.
1 comment January 2, 2010
gut instincts…
I think it’s funny how as I get older my gut instincts get better and more reliable. Is it just life experiences that make it happen, or is it that I’m just more in tune with myself. Every time without exception, I knew when a boyfriend was cheating on me. It started in college with my first love and after my divorce happened again with a boyfriend. I always knew right when it was happening. Weird huh?
I also knew when I was about to get dumped by a guy. The one guy that I was in love with 7 years ago dumped me just after Christmas, and I knew it was coming even though we weren’t having problems at the time. Okay, maybe there was a problem, since I got dumped, but it wasn’t having to do with me. He was still married and had been lying to me about it and….. well it’s a really long story. Suffice it to say, I felt it coming. BTW, it really sucks getting dumped between Christmas and New Years Eve, don’t do that to someone.
So how do we know and why do we know? I mean, I’m totally grateful for my gut instinct, but it kinda sucks knowing the other shoe is about to drop and not being able to stop it. Cuz, you know something is gonna happen, so should you be proactive in dealing with it? Do you say, Dude, I think you’re about to dump me, so let’s get it over with? Or do you dump them first? What happens if your gut instinct is off? HAHAHAHAH! Wouldn’t that be funny? You make a preemptive strike and find out that it was never gonna happen? Okay, maybe I’m feeling sadistic today and it’s not really funny. The sitting and waiting stinks though. Heck I don’t know. When you keep thinking about it to the point that it’s consuming your day, maybe that’s the time you open your mouth.
I think the song by John Mayer, Say, is a great song and my 2010 is going to listen to myself more and worry about the shit going on around me, which I have no control over, a lot less. I don’t mean to be narcissistic, but I am getting too old to let someone else dictate the direction of my life. I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, but if I did, I think that would be it.
3 comments January 2, 2010
Rules of dating…
I went on some dating websites last night to do “research”, (yea right) and it seems that there are still stupid rules for dating. Now this applies to both men and women and so I was reading them.
Interestingly enough, they had completely different points of view. The guy rules focused on being presentable. You know, shower, have nice shoes on because women notice and that kind of shit. It also told them to open doors and be polite.
WTF????? Don’t all guys know to fucking take a shower and smell nice? Do they need a rule for that?? Maybe I haven’t been the unfortunate one to go out with a stinky man?? Maybe they do need that rule and I just didn’t know it! Anyway, the guy rules had to do with hygiene and stuff and I found it very fluffy.
Now, get to the girl rules. All the girl rules had to do with playing games with the boys heads and being manipulative. Again, WTF?????? I guess people know that women are smart enough to shower and we obviously know about nice shoes, but in order to get a guy I have to ignore him for 3 days before I send an email or call him back? Why the fuck do I want to do that? Maybe it’s to make them into a hunter and get them to persue me. I am also supposed to be evasive in my answers about myself to create mystery. BTW, these rules were from the same website, so obviously the same moron came up with them for both men and women.
You know what, they guys rules are sooooo much easier. I don’t want to be evasive, I’m a blurter! I like to blurt out whatever comes into my little noggin whenever it hits! Hahahahah! Maybe why I’m still single??? Hmmmmm… I want the easy rules too! I’m not interested in playing games at my age, maybe the rules were written by a 20 something for the 20 something crowd. When you get to be my age, I appreciate the open, honest answers with humor please. I’m going to let you know if I like you, let you know if I don’t and screw the 3 day rules and the 3 date rule too.
But in case you want to know, showerin before the date is not optional, if you think it is, please don’t call.
1 comment December 30, 2009
Thank God for friends!
As a single woman trying to figure shit out, you may have noticed I rely on the advise, comfort and silliness of my friends. I’m very blessed with wonderful women that love me know matter how insane I act and how many stupid things I do.
My friends know my darkest secrets and will take them to their grave as I would do for them. I would do anything for them and love to make them laugh. Sometimes, I wonder if we have evolved past having relationships with guys because they are soooo much fucking work and everything with my friends is so easy!
I love my girl time and trying to figure out the world and men or just getting drunk and saying screw it! Many of my close friends work with me too, so whether we are talking bout work or men or kids or how our asses looks fat in these jeans, we always have fun. Okay, maybe the fat ass isn’t that fun, but it doesn’t stop us from eating or drinking wine.
I think that’s why so many skinny girls are cranky, they need to eat! Heck, I get cranky if I go to long without food and from the size of these girls, they may not have eaten in this decade! So, what do your friends mean to you? Do you have lots? I don’t necessarily think you need tons of friends, just a few really good ones.
Girls with friends don’t tend to trust girls without friends. There is something wrong with that situation. Those are the girls that will throw you under a bus for the attention of a guy. A girl’s girl won’t do that. We value our friendships because we know that when times get hard, it’s our friends that pull us out of the shit. So, I guess the bottom line is, I’m grateful for the women in my life and the love and friendship they give me. I wouldn’t be the person I am without them. xoxoxo to all my besties!
3 comments December 29, 2009
Should we plan for the future?
So, here I am about to end another year and reflecting on it. It’s been a little weird, I aint gonna lie. Things that have happened have surprised me and made me so grateful for the life that is mine. It may not be the drama free, but I have to own it.
I guess my thoughts are to improvement on myself in the next year and to continue to evolve. I think one of the things that keeps me stuck in my mire is my fears of financial security. Does anyone else have that? I think the economy has a lot of people still spooked and that includes myself.
Job wise? I’m very good at what I do, I have a great company and wonderful people to work with and put my all into making sure they are successful, because that means I’m successful. Still, I find myself wishing I win the lottery! Not that it means I would quit, because I find myself bored when I’m away from work for 2 weeks, but I think if I had no financial issues, it would be easier to date.
Dating for me means I want a man who is successful. I’ve dated men who made $2oo,ooo a year to men who make several million a year. And the weird thing is, that I felt more comfortable dating the guys that made less. Isn’t that weird? Sometimes, I think a guy who makes a shit load of money thinks he’s above the rest of us. They tend to be the guys that are after everyone, because they have enough money to do it, and the more successful they are in business, they less secure they are in their personal relationships.
Money isn’t bad, I just don’t want to date because of it, but I find it a factor in my choosing a man. That fucking sucks. I wish I could let it go and maybe that’s the lesson I need to learn for 2010. What’s your lesson to learn? (I like lessons better than resolutions, less threatening!)
Add comment December 28, 2009
